


Oblique

by entity9silvergen



Series: My Fics For AroWriMo 2021 [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Additional Sides, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Aromantic Relationship, Aromantic Writing Month 2021, Asexual Character, Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Asexual Relationship, Background Orange Side (Sanders Sides), Fighting, Gen, Internalized Aphobia, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Minor Swearing, Minor Violence, No OCs, No Smut, Short Vid Characters, Snake Deceit | Janus Sanders, Spider Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, arowrimo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29591712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entity9silvergen/pseuds/entity9silvergen
Summary: Unable to experience romantic attraction, Remus feels incomplete. Unable to feel sexual attraction, Roman feels less than. Maybe as the King, they decide, they will feel whole again. Their partners and friends, however, know this isn’t the solution and seek to help them realize there’s nothing broken about them before it’s too late.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Background Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Background Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Background October | Toby Sanders/ September | Seth Ember | Seth Sanders, Background Procrastination | Nate Sanders / Orange Side, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: My Fics For AroWriMo 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140302
Comments: 15
Kudos: 26
Collections: AroWriMo 2021





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for AroWriMo 2021. I’ve actually had it planned since April of last year but never wrote it until now. I originally intended for it to go with the Week 3 Prompt (Hope and Mirror) but it kind of drifted. 
> 
> This fic takes place in Thomas’s mind and there are four of each kind of Side (light, dark, neutral). 
> 
> The Light Sides live upstairs. They are Logan (Logic), Patton (Morality), Roman (Creativity/ Fantasy), and Emile (Self-Esteem) as well as Virgil (Anxiety) who left the Dark Sides to be with the Light Sides.
> 
> The Neutrals live on the main floor we see in videos. They are Nate (Patience/ Procrastination), Remy (Self-Care/ Sleep), Seth (Adaptability), and Toby (Courage).
> 
> The Dark Sides live downstairs. They are Janus (Deceit), Remus (Dark Creativity/ Intrusive Thoughts), and OJ (Spite). As mentioned, Virgil was previously a Dark Side.
> 
> None of these characters are OCs. Emile is Emile Picani from Cartoon Therapy, Nate is Nathan Christopher/ Slo-Mo Guy/ Procrastination from the short vids, Remy is Sleep from the short vids, Seth is Seth Ember/ September from the short vids, Toby is October from the shirt vids, and OJ is the currently unnamed 7th side (We call him orange juice on the Sanders Sides subreddit so OJ is a nod to that).
> 
> Dark Sides also have animal attributes in this story. Janus is a snake, Remus is an octopus, Virgil is a spider, and OJ is a badger.

It was dark. Darker than it normally was.

There was a hum in the air. Eerie, mysterious. Almost like static. Something neither of them were used to but it was familiar deep down.

It was telling them they shouldn’t be here. Not right now.

They ignored it.

The lighter figure stumbled down the stairs, seeming almost surprised to see a darker shape slinking up from the basement, almost mirroring him. They stared at each other for a few moments but neither drew their weapons. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time and hadn’t been at peace for even longer but a mutual understanding ran between them.

Eyes watched them and the room seemed to listen. It made them uneasy, filling them with the need to leave or cower away. But they were more afraid of what would happen if they turned away and too curious to listen to the signs warning them away. The same thing was on each of their minds and it was almost too late to turn away.

Both were visibly upset but the shadows obscured any tear tracks and the static hid any sobs. Still, they could sense the distress within each other. And they knew how to make it stop.

There was hesitance on both sides. They knew what they were doing, what they had to do, and yet they held back. There were a million questions in the air and the answers to none.

It wasn’t until the lighter figure offered a hand that they reached a decision.

That he reached a decision.

* * *

Logan’s attention was drawn from his book by a loud crash.

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, living with so many others in the mind palace and all. Roman was always slashing things with his sword, OJ often swatted cups off tables out of passive aggression or just plain boredom, Toby and Remus were always wrestling, Nate was terrible at catching things and Seth never failed to forget, and Patton was just clumsy in general. Emile usually kept them calm and Virgil’s dislike for loud noises was often enough to keep the mind palace in one piece but the other Sides were always an endless distraction for Logan and his work.

Today, however, was not one of those times the noise seized quickly. 

In fact, it only seemed to get worse.

It got to the point that Logan had to get up and go downstairs to see what was making the racket, something he rarely did. Where was Patton? Or Emile? Keeping the others from destroying their home was their job, not his.

He expected to see Remus riding a roomba. Or Nate trying to steal Remy’s coffee. Or Toby and Roman jousting with mops instead of cleaning. He did not expect to see Janus and Virgil, fangs and arachnid legs out, full on brawling in the living room.

Shockingly, Patton and Emile weren’t trying to stop them. From Logan’s observation, Patton seemed quite distressed at the sight of Virgil in his spider form and Emile was trying to distract him. Logan’s colder side wanted to shake them and tell them to ignore their feelings to focus on what was important but his more human side could understand. Virgil was truly terrifying when he was like this: thick, hairy legs sprouted from his back, his eyes seemed to glow with something primal, and his mouth morphed into something truly grotesque to look at. Janus too. His transformation was less extreme but his sharpened scales were still strange to look at. Eyes gleaming with yellow and hunger and movements faster and more serpentine, his presence was a bit disturbing. As much as Logan wanted to, he couldn’t blame them from keeping out of the fight.

He at least expected one of the others to step in. Not all of them weren’t fighters but they were at least more prepared than Patton and Emile. None of the neturals seemed concerned though. Actually, it looked like Nate, Seth, Remy, and Toby were taking bets. Logan would have scolded them if there weren’t more pressing matters at hand.

Logan looked around for Roman and Remus but the twins were nowhere to be seen so his gaze fell on OJ. The Side seemed disinterested from where he was seated casually on the staircase leading to the basement but his eyes betrayed him. The disinterest was a facade, his eyes were sharp with interest.

Logan met the Dark Side’s gaze, trying to convey his alarm and confusion. OJ simply shrugged and gestured loosely at the fight. Janus had his back pressed to the floor and his feet against Virgil’s chest, keeping him from punching or snapping at his face but the anxious side’s long spider legs were still free to batter his foe.

Janus was just starting to wrestle Virgil off him when Logan decided to step in. “Enough!”

Logan knew his voice could be enough to offset anyone if he wanted it to. He’d shouted enough falsehoods to know it was a tactic that would likely be successful. And it was this time as well. Virgil and Janus looked up, startled, and stopped long enough for Toby and Nate to step in and grab them by the shoulders, pulling them away from each other.

Both were still glaring and hissing. Logan put up a hand to silence them. “Can you breathe in for four seconds?”

“We don’t need to do breathing exercises, Logan,” Virgil snapped, voice distorted, as he wretched free from Toby’s grip. Thankfully, he didn’t move to attack Janus. “We know what we’re doing.”

“Then why were you fighting?” Logan asked. “Dark and Light Sides don’t usually come to the Neutral Zone at the same time.”

Janus’s face flashed with guilt while OJ feigned innocence. It wasn’t a set rule but Light and Dark Sides generally avoided mutual space if there were others there. If everyone was in a good mood, there were times they would share the space but it was rare. 

“Roman’s missing,” Virgil said, glaring at Janus and OJ. His arachnid qualities were receding but he still looked angry. “I’ve been looking for days. There’s no reason he’d disappear unless the Dark Sides did something.”

“And I’m telling you Remus is missing,” Janus responded. Nate let go of him and the snake crossed his arms. He still looked tense. “Why would we take Roman? We have better things to worry about. Quit blaming us for stuff and back off.”

Logan silently cursed himself for not being more observant. He hadn’t even noticed Roman and Remus were missing. Well, he wouldn’t have noticed Remus’s absence, being a Dark Side and all, but he would’ve noticed if Roman was gone. Should have noticed. How long had it been? What had he been doing?

“Oh this is what this is about?” Remy piped up, taking a long sip of his ever-present coffee before continuing. “They met up here a few days ago and went off to the dreamspace together.”

“...What?” Janus and Virgil said in unison, giving the recalcitrant Side hard stares.

“Um, yeah, gurls. It was, like, the middle of the night and they talked for a bit before going off,” Remy said, shrugging. “No need to get all hissy about it. They’re fine.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Virgil exploded but at least now he wasn’t trying to attack anyone. “We’ve been looking for days!”

“Chill, gurl. You never mentioned it. I thought you knew. Normally they tell you before they come to my domain.”

“Well, they didn’t tell us,” Janus said, sounding annoyed yet distracted. His face was wrinkled in thought and it took Logan a moment to catch on.

“Should we be concerned then?” Logan asked. The other Sides turned to look at him. As per usual, Logan felt pride well up in him knowing the others were listening but he tried to ignore it. “They left without warning, which normally wouldn’t be alarming but there has been no sign of them for days. Wouldn’t that imply something happened to them? Perhaps they went to Remy’s dreamspace to fight and rendered each other unable to continue.”

“Oh no! My poor kiddos!” Patton wailed, startling Logan. He’d almost forgotten the other Sides were there.

“Chances are they’re fine. Roman and Remus know how to avoid getting hurt and Remy didn’t say they sounded angry,” Emile pointed out. He was still frowning though. “But maybe we should send someone to check on them?”

“We should just leave them to duke it out. They’ll be fine,” OJ said, inspecting his fingernails boredly. He pointed in Patton’s direction, not even looking up to see the father figure’s excited expression. “No pun intended, daddio.” 

Logan ignored them and looked to Remy expectantly. The Side rolled his eyes and sighed. “Fine. I’ll take some of you to the dreamspace. Hissyfits, Lo-bitch, come on.”

Janus and Virgil looked a bit peeved by the nicknames but followed Remy without question. Logan sighed and spared the remaining Sides a glance. “Will one of you retrieve us if the twins return while we’re gone?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Toby responded, ignoring OJ. “Don’t stress it, man.”

Satisfied, Logan nodded and turned away, following Remy into the place of Thomas’s dreams.

* * *

“Do you guys think Roman and Remus are getting along again?”

Patton’s voice sliced through the silence, drawing everyone’s attention. After Remy and the others left, the rest remained in the living room rather than returning to their rooms. They largely ignored each other but unspoken worry hovered among them. They would wait this out here.

“I didn’t see anything,” Seth spoke up, the other Neutral Sides humming their agreement. “Remy’s got a weird sleep schedule. He sees all kinds of stuff we don’t but I think he’d mention it if anything changed with the twins.”

“It’s probably a coincidence,” OJ added. “Janus and Remus were screwing that night. I doubt Remus would go to his brother after that. Weird.”

“How do you know that?”

“What is sc-”

“I think Roman and Virgil were just having a quiet night,” Emile interrupted before Patton could finish his question or OJ could respond to Seth. He really didn’t want to know. “I don’t really know what those two do but it’s unusual Roman would come downstairs in the middle of the night, isn’t it? Wouldn’t he stay with Virgil? Or return to his room?”

“I don’t think there’s much use thinking about it,” Toby said, pulling a device from his pocket. “Now, I’m going to play some Pokemon. We can ask Roman and Remus what’s up when they get back.”

The other Sides didn’t look satisfied but no one argued. The others would be back soon. They could figure it out then. Right?

* * *

Remy usually didn’t take people to the dreamspace.

It was  _ his _ domain. Sure, Roman and Remus contributed a lot but they had their own spaces. They were in charge of Thomas’s imagination. Everything about sleep was Remy’s and no one else's. Logan and Patton had memories, Virgil and Toby patrolled the place of Thomas’s fears, each Side had their own thing. And Remy loved his. It was weird to have someone intrude on his space.

He understood the necessity though. Still, couldn’t the others be a bit nicer?

Janus and Virgil were bickering since the moment they entered and Logan wasn’t even trying to stop them. How rude.

“Hush up, gurls,” Remy said after a while. “You don’t want to be too loud here.”

“And why is that?”

A loud roar cut through the terrain.

“Because of that.”

Virgil, Janus, and Logan peered at the horizon, not seeing anything. The dreamspace looked very much like the Imagination or the real world but it had this fake, fuzzy quality that only the things of dreams could have. It was similar to reality and recognizable enough but it was different enough that it could be jarring to those who weren’t used to it. That was the only reason Remy was forgiving when the other Sides failed to see the approaching Dragon Witch until it was practically on top of them.

The beast screamed and plunged out of the sky, making the ground shake like an earthquake when she landed. A clean thirty feet tall, she towered over the Sides. Remy opened up his mouth to try to reason with her but a malicious glint in her eye told him that she wasn’t in a talking mood today.

Wings beat the air as claws scored the earth. Virgil’s spider form took over and he used his long spider legs to vault himself and the others to safety. “What the fuck is that?!”

“The Dragon Witch,” Remy responded as he slipped out of Virgil’s grip and began scrambling away. “She’s normally not like this!”

“I never would’ve guessed,” Janus snarked. His scales grew more prominent and his eyes became sharper as he prepared to fight. “We don’t have time for this.”

“Virgil, try to climb up her neck and onto her face. Blind her, at least partially,” Logan instructed, taking charge easily. “Janus, draw her attention and see if you can get some of your venom in her.”

Janus eyed the Dragon Witch’s scales dubiously. “I am not breaking my teeth on that thing.”

“Just fight, Deceit,” Virgil snapped as he launched himself into the air and grappled his way onto the Dragon Witch’s shoulder. She didn’t even notice his presence, allowing him to climb up her neck with no obstacles thrown his way.

Remy ducked behind a rock, dragging Logan with him, as Janus coiled around the dragon’s blows and tried to snake his way to her soft underbelly. Out of the four present Sides, Virgil and Janus were most suited for battle but even they didn’t have much of a chance against such a creature. The Dragon Witch was powerful, both as a dragon and a witch. Together, her two halves made her a formidable foe. 

“Is this a common occurrence?” Logan asked as he grabbed a small, sharp rock in his fist. Remy didn’t know what he planned to do with that but whatever made him feel better. “Do you frequently run into this, eh, Dragon Witch?”

Remy shook his head. “She’s one of Roman’s creations. Most of the time she keeps to herself or at least stays peaceful. I can’t remember the last time she got like this. I have no idea what’s got her so worked up.”

Logan looked like he wanted to comment but chose not to and refocused on the fight. The other Sides seemed to be doing well. As much as they hissed and spat at each other, they worked like a well oiled machine. Virgil was using his spiderlegs to jab the Dragon Witch in the eye, distracting her long enough to let Janus coil up her leg. He wasn’t doing much damage at the moment but soon he would have access to the vulnerable parts of her massive form.

It looked to be going well until it wasn’t.

Remy knew he should have expected that. The Sides were more than human but they were still far from equals to a mystical beast like a Dragon Witch. For all their efforts, they only seemed to be agitating her further and soon she grew too tired of them to bother any longer.

The Dragon Witch roared and bellowed before slapping her thick, scaly tail against the ground. A wave of magic radiated from her form and knocked the two Sides clean off her.

It hit Logan and Remy as well, shattering the rock they were hiding behind. Remy yelped as he was thrown back, shielding his face from stone shrapnel, and hit the ground roughly. Both his and Logan’s glasses were knocked from their faces. Logan flailed for them the moment, unable to see without them, while Remy just laid there, stunned, and blinked rapidly until his eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight. His eyes unused to being uncovered but he could survive without his sunglasses. He quickly scrambled up to try to see what happened to Janus and Virgil.

Janus and Virgil were on the ground, floored and disoriented. The Dragon Witch was looming over them, snarling and angry. Remy tried to get up and shout a warning but his voice broke and came out dry and hoarse. It surprised him, somewhat, but the shock from the blast was still ringing in his head too much for him to dwell on it.

A spike of fear pumped through Remy’s veins as the Dragon Witch lifted a paw, primed to strike. He got to his feet, mind and body screaming for him to get his friends to safety, but he knew he was too slow. The Dragon Witch was going to crush them.

Then, a battle cry sounded.

A human battle cry.

Remy looked up to see a figure standing on a cliff overlooking the battlefield. Momentarily blinded by the sun behind him, Remy couldn't quite make out any distinguishable features. Without his sunglasses, he could really only see the flowing cape draped over his shoulders.

The man- it was definitely a man, Remy knew that much- drew a weapon in each hand and flung himself off the cliff. Remy wanted to scream but the man seemed to know what he was doing and landed flat on the Dragon Witch’s face.

The Dragon Witch roared and the man matched it. Remy watched them for a moment before his mind caught up with his body and he remembered his friends. He tore his gaze away and sprinted across the landscape. He reached Janus first, grabbing him by the back of the coat, and dragged him until he managed to get a grip on Virgil’s hoodie as well.

“Gurls, why are you so heavy?” Remy grunted as he tried his best to pull the two Sides to safety. They seemed dazed from the fall and Remy really hoped they weren’t concussed. He really didn’t want to deal with that right now. At least he had Logan here if they were but Logan could be concussed for all he knew.

“Roman,” Virgil groaned, head lolling a bit as Remy jostled him.

“Yeah, I know, gurl. We’ll find Roman soon.”

“No, I need to help him.” 

Remy didn’t pause to figure out what he meant by that until he’d reached Logan. The logical Side was sitting up and had his glasses back on, looking overall okay. Remy swiftly dropped Virgil and Janus beside them, making them both yelp, and turned back to the battlefield to confirm his suspicions. 

The man was tall and broad. Sturdier and better built than Remy or any of the other Sides on the ground around him. Maybe even more so than Roman and Remus. His clothes were a deep grey, an unusual color to see on someone in the mindscape, and he wielded both a sword and a morningstar. That made Remy uneasy. He didn’t quite know why but it felt wrong.

“Remus!” Janus called out, sitting up as the man ran across the beast’s snout to slam his morningstar into her eye. Remy opened his mouth to tell him that the man wasn’t Remus but the words died on his tongue. Who knew who he was? It could very well be the stinky Side for all he knew.

The man was fast and quite skilled. He scaled the dragon’s giant form and slammed down hard at various points on his way down. Remy didn’t know if Dragon Witches had pressure points but the man’s attacks seemed to be doing a fair amount of damage, judging by her roars. Remy really believed he might win this.

The Dragon Witch put up a fair fight, of course. She snarled and swiped but the man seemed to be holding on pretty well. It was only when she reared back and began swinging her wings that he lost his balance. Still, he managed to hold his own pretty well. Unlike Janus and Virgil, the fall didn’t seem to faze him. Maybe it was because he’d already managed to weaken the Dragon Witch so much.

Janus, Virgil, and Logan were on their feet by the time the newcomer managed to bring the Dragon Witch to his level. She was still fighting but she didn’t quite stand as tall anymore and Remy was pretty sure she knew she was losing.

Then the newcomer stopped.

He wasn’t giving up. No, that was clear. He was still in a fighting stance. But he didn’t seem to be fighting anymore? At least not with his weapons. He was just… looking at the Dragon Witch really intensely. And she was too. It was like they knew something the other Sides didn’t.

Reality seemed to ripple around them and the Dragon Witch suddenly vanished.

Remy sensed Janus and Virgil exchanging a confused glance behind him but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the figure. Now alone on the former battlefield, Remy could see him much more clearly but he still couldn’t make out who he was. Was it Roman, with his sword? Or Remus, with his morningstar? It had to be one of them. Right?

“You need to be more careful,” a steady voice boomed as the figure turned around. Remy heard Logan gasp behind him but it took a moment for Remy to realize why. “You never know what you’ll run into here.”

The man began walking towards them and a feeling of recognition and dread flashed between the four Sides. It was only when the broad, bearded figure was standing right in front of them that any of them were able to stutter out his name.

“R-Romulus.” 

The King had returned. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Sexual themes, internalized acephobia, internalized arophobia, arousal, romantic feels, minor self-harm, intrusive thoughts, Remus
> 
> There is nothing explicit in this one but there is some post sex scenes and pre almost sex scenes. Also romantic feels. I am aroace so like I don’t actually know what I’m doing, first time writing something like this, but we’re doing it. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip this chapter. It takes place prior to the previous chapter and provides more context to what’s up with Remus and Roman but is not actually super relevant to the plot.

Remus felt good in that way only an orgasm could cause.

It was like… like everything inside him just melted away. Everything tense and tight just washed away. It was at times like this he really felt at peace. The only times he felt at peace. With his mind quiet, he really just felt like himself. Not Dark Creativity, not Intrusive Thoughts. Just Remus.

He should go be productive. Draw something that wasn’t totally obscene. Maybe take a shower without trying to swallow the soap. Eat something other than deodorant. Trim his mustache without cutting himself. Nah, he was still going to do all that stuff. He loved it, intrusive thoughts or not.

He started to roll out of bed when an arm stopped him.

“You’re always so quick to leave,” Janus murmured, draping an arm over Remus’s bare hips. Fuck, that was sexy. Why was he so sexy? All naked and relaxed… Disheveled. That was the word Remus was looking for. His hat, gloves, and clothes were long gone, messy brown hair and scales out for the world to see. Well, not the world. Just Remus. Janus was cute when he was like this, rare as it was. Not cute enough for Remus not to have a double take at his words though.

“Is that bad?” Remus asked hesitantly, a bit more of his insecurity in his voice than he would’ve liked. He knew Janus wasn’t mad and he wouldn’t make fun of him. It was just… ugh, the post-sex euphoria was kind of fading and Remus was starting to feel bad about himself again.

Janus looked up at him, breaking out of his affectionate daze. He frowned. “I mean… no? If you don’t want to be here, you don’t have to be. Staying the night is just nice.”

“Why?” 

The question tumbled out of Remus’s mouth before he could think, like most things he said did. He felt like he shouldn’t have said that but he couldn’t help it. And he really did want to know.

“It just… um, helps with the emotional side of hooking up?” Janus ventured. Remus tried not to frown. “The romantic aspect?”

“Oh. Um, okay.”

“Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll stay,” Remus responded and flopped back down on the bed, letting his back hit the sheets once more. Janus stayed where he was. Remus just stared at the ceiling, unsure if Janus’s touch was nice or uncomfortable. They were both all sweaty. And sticky. Didn’t people normally shower after this? Or wipe off or whatever? Normally Remus would just run around naked and the air would dry him off and he’d be good as new but that didn’t really feel like an option right now.

“You look so uncomfortable.” 

“What? I’m not uncomfortable.”

“You’re like a tree right now.”

“Unfuckable unless you want splinters?” Remus cracked, looking down at Janus, but the snakey Side didn’t seem amused.

“You’re literally lying on your back with your arms at your sides,” Janus deadpanned. He shifted a bit, resting his head on Remus’s chest. “And that’s fine but you look stressed. Which is weird because you just came and normally that makes you all loose. Figuratively, not literally, don't look at me like-”

“I’m loose in so many more ways than one,” Remus responded with a shit eating grin, wiggling a bit. Janus sighed, sounding exasperated but fond. But then Remus sobered up. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. You know I don’t really mind your jokes. Or lewdness. It’s just part of who you are as a Side.”

“Not that. I meant for not being… romantic. It’s just not my thing. I’m not Roman.”

Janus lifted his head to look at him. “I don’t want Roman. You think if I wanted Roman I’d be in bed with you? If I wanted Roman, I’d be having Roman.”

Remus couldn’t stifle his laughter. Roman probably wouldn’t want Janus either, not when Virgil was so clearly the Side for him, but Janus’s confidence and self-assurance amused him. He was right, Janus probably had the swagger to seduce whoever in the mindscape he wanted. Though he may be biased.

“I don’t really care if you do the whole romantic bit of a relationship,” Janus went on, putting his head back down. “Feelings can get kind of icky. You’re my best friend and I love you, I wouldn’t change that.”

Now, Remus knew Janus said that to comfort him but it just made him feel all kinds of bad. Guilty. Selfish. Ungrateful. He didn’t like these feelings. He was the Duke! He didn’t get down in the dumps. He was just pure, unfiltered nastiness. Not whatever this was. 

He didn’t know if Janus expected a response or not but he just smiled awkwardly and patted Janus’s hair. Janus didn’t comment on how grimy his hands were and just relaxed against him, seeming to enjoy Remus’s fingers in his hair. It felt weirdly intimate to be doing this. It was nice, Remus supposed, but it felt foreign. Like he was missing something. Maybe he was missing something.

He tried to steer those thoughts away. He was naked in bed with his best friend, not fully clothed and crying in the shower alone like he normally was when these moments hit. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about that. He was… This was a good moment. Good things were happening. He’d just had an amazing night of mindblowing sex. His friend- partner, fuck buddy, boyfriend, whatever- had just told him he loves and accepts him. How could he be thinking about this right now?

Janus would tell him he wasn’t broken. That he wasn’t missing anything. That he was amazing the way he was. But Remus couldn’t find it in himself to bring it up right now. It was hard, not voicing his thoughts. He loved talking, spouting out every thought that crossed his mind. These ones though… He didn’t really want Janus worrying about. He already knew what Janus would say. Janus was a two-faced liar who could trick the smartest Side in the mindscape but Remus trusted him. Janus knew how to be serious. He knew how delicate Remus’s heart could be when it came to- to… He wouldn’t tell Remus anything about himself that he didn’t believe. It was just Remus who didn’t believe it.

Remus loved himself. He knew he was amazing. He loved his creations and that he could creep any Side and Thomas out. He just wanted to live his best life. But that little voice telling him something was wrong, giving him memories of a time before, would always be there.

Maybe it was time he listened to it.

* * *

Roman just felt so freaking  _ good _ .

His heart just felt so full. He just had so much love in him that he felt like he was going to burst. It thrummed in his chest, letting the feeling of life flow freely into his limbs. He didn’t know why he felt like this. Maybe it was because of the role he fulfilled as Thomas’s romantic facet and his fanciful side. Or maybe he was just so high on love that it got him all giddy like this. He didn’t know, he just knew he liked it. It was an amazing feeling that he just wanted to have forever. 

But all good things had to come to an end.

Virgil withdrew from him, not quite letting go but enough that Roman craved his touch again. He leaned in for another kiss, and managed to successfully get one, before noticing the look in his boyfriend’s eyes. It wasn’t… a bad look. Not a new one either. Just somewhat different.

Virgil was definitely turned on. Expected, after making out for however long they’d spent doing just that. To be honest, Roman was pretty into it too and he could feel some arousal coming in. It was an exciting feeling, one only supplemented by the rush of affection he was feeling. 

So why did he feel so uneasy?

Virgil slotted his palms over Roman’s hips and gave him a sultry look. “You want to do a bit more?”

Roman opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. He didn’t know if it was from arousal or fear. He locked eyes with Virgil and nodded, trying to look eager. Virgil looked… excited? Happy? Satisfied? Something. He looked something good at his response and started undoing the zipper and buttons on his pants. Roman looked away, not really wanting to watch despite all the feelings happening down there. It was only once Virgil’s fingers were hooked around his underwear that it became apparent something was wrong.

“Dude, you okay?”

“Don’t call me dude when we’re in bed. You’ll kill the mood.”

“I’m trying to kill the mood. You look hella uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable.”

“You looked away when I took your pants off and you flinched when I touched your underwear. Is that comfortable in your world?”

“I’m fine, Virge. Let’s just keep going.”

“We don’t need to do this if you don’t want to.”

“But I do want to,” Roman insisted, gesturing vaguely to his crotch which was very visibly hard through his underwear.

Virgil didn’t budge. “Having a boner and wanting me to touch you are two different things, Princey.”

Roman sighed. “I know.”

“Consent is sexy.”

Roman sighed louder. “I know, Virgil.”

“Communication is-”

“I know, Virgil.”

“Come on, talk to me, Princey.”

“You’re still killing the mood.”

“I know, Roman,” Virgil responded, mimicking Roman’s tone, before giving him a serious look. “What’s up? If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

Roman opened his mouth but, again, no words came out. How was he supposed to articulate his thoughts? He wanted to… do stuff. Sexual stuff. Touching. That sounded fun. Sex was supposed to be, like, a big thing in a relationship, right? So shouldn’t he want to do it, being the romance guy and all?

Maybe it was because sex was more of a Remus thing. Ew, no wait, he shouldn’t be thinking about his brother right now. Actually, that was a big turn off which was what he needed right now. But point was that sex was never his thing. Roman didn’t think about it much. Or at all. Should he? That was something people thought about, right?

Thinking about sex made him feel… gross. Not completely though? Thomas was a pretty sex positive guy so all the Sides generally viewed consestuall sex as a healthy part of a relationship but anytime Roman thought about sex in a more personal way, not as an abstract concept, he felt all weird. And he knew he shouldn’t. Sex was natural. Hundreds of generations of humans have been doing it. So why couldn’t he?

There was just this… disconnect. Between what, he wasn’t sure. His feelings, his body, arousal, desire, all of it. And it felt wrong. Like, it should be there. He didn’t know what it felt like but he could imagine it. He’d read about it and he could see it in his mind but when it came to the present moment, it just wasn’t there. He-

Odin’s eyepatch, Virgil was waiting for him to say something, wasn’t he?

“Can we… not?” Roman said weakly, hating how unsure he sounded. But to his relief, Virgil just nodded. 

“That’s fine. We’re not ready,” Virgil responded. Roman couldn’t tell if he sounded disappointed or not. “But I, um, I’m going to go take a cold shower. Figuratively, not literally. I hate the cold. I’m going to go jer- I’m going to go take a shower. And you can do whatever you need to do or take one after me. And then we can just hang out. Does that sound alright?”

Roman was a bit surprised Virgil seemed so together. Not anxious. He was still a bit rambly but mostly together. Maybe he was just trying to put on a face for Roman’s sake. Either way, he was grateful that Virgil was taking the lead on this one, however odd it may be for the other Side. Smiling, he nodded. Virgil returned it and wandered off to the bathroom.

But when he returned, Roman was nowhere to be found.

* * *

They both slunk out in the night, stumbling to the Neutral Zone with similar goals in mind. Consciously or unconsciously, it was impossible to tell. They were just hurting and that was enough to draw them together.

Still, they looked surprised at the sight of each other, Roman on the stairs leading up and Remus surfacing from the basement. It was dark but the red and green of their clothes seemed to stand out. They stayed silent, staring at each other wordlessly, waiting to see who would move first.

It was a third figure who broke the silence.

“Sup guuurlssss,” Remy slurred as he drifted through the living room, seeming to materialize out of nowhere. Both of the twins jumped, startled by his sudden appearance, but Remy was already wandering towards the hallway by the time they realized who exactly it was. “Go to the dreamspace if you’re going to destroy anything, bitches. Toby will be pissed if you touch his shit. Byeeee.”

The twins watched the Neutral Side walk away, his shuffle making him seem to float away in a very dream-like manner. But that was just how Remy was and they could ignore him and soon they were once again focused on each other. Remus spoke first.

“So why are you here?”

“Why are you here?”

“I asked first.”

“But I’m older.”

“Explain or I fart and wake up the whole floor. And you know how smellicious this tank can-”

“Ugh. Okay, fine.”

“Well?”

“...”

“Princey.”

“What was the question?”

“Why are you here, Prince Boring?”

“Um, well…”

“Just spit it out, brother mine.”

“How do you sex?” Roman blurted bluntly.

Remus started at him. He blinked. Once. “What?”

“How do you do sex?” Roman repeated, looking flustered. “I can’t.”

To his credit, Remus was quiet for a full three seconds before bursting out laughing.

Roman scowled. “It’s not funny! I just… I can’t.”

Remus tried to smother his laughter to a series of giggles, wiping a couple fake- or real, who knows?- tears out of his eyes. “Oh Princey! You should’ve come to me sooner! I tried giving Seth some crash course kink lessons from yours truly but Toby hit me. Really hard. It was hot. Janus let me do my whole spiel on him but it’s no fun when you’re fucking the guy you’re teaching because he already knew all this stuff when he signed up to be my fuck buddy but now that you’re-”

“Stop. I already regret this,” Roman said, waving his hands. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Poopy.” Remus didn’t actually sound disappointed, a blessing in disguise. 

“I just… can’t get into it.”

“I know what you mean,” Remus said, surprising Roman. When Roman didn’t speak, Remus continued. “I can’t do feelings. All that romantic stuff? Bleh. Not for me. But I feel bad because I think Janus would like it. I’ve tried but it just feels like it’s… not… there.”

Roman suddenly felt a surge of mutuality for his brother. He was voicing exactly how he felt. Well, not exact. Opposite, really. But he felt understood. “Do you think it’s because of the split?”

“I- Maybe,” Remus admitted with a shrug. He rubbed a finger under his nose. Roman almost reached out to stop him from picking his nose but he was just scratching his mustache. “It feels like… like… I’m a mirror. And I shattered. A long time ago. And someone taped me back together. They really tried but they did an awful job. There’s sharp pieces sticking out everywhere ready to cut your hands open so you can watch as you bleed out but the reflection’s all fucked up and you just see all the dark, awful… goop inside of you. And there are pieces missing. And I don’t know where they are.”

“They’re probably in me,” Roman said softly. “I don’t feel like-” He gestured loosely in Remus’s direction- “that. I feel like- like a mirror that broke but got put together with glue. They made something new and it’s- it’s art. But it’s still broken. You just can’t always tell but it’s real and it’s there.”

Remus nodded, uncharacteristically solemn. He was playing with his hands, like he was nervous. Roman noticed tiny cuts on his hands around his fingernails, like he was picking at them. He wasn’t picking now though, just fidgeting. Like Virgil. “Do you think we’d be whole together? As King Creativity? Do you remember if he felt normal?”

Roman hesitated. “I don’t remember. But I think… Remus, I feel so empty all the time. Like I’m only half a Side. And not just about the sex thing. I feel so- so- so-”

“Oblique?”

“Oblique,” Roman whispered. “And I want to feel normal. And I think maybe we can do that if we tried to… I don’t know, unsplit?”

Remus didn’t say anything but his face betrayed him. With decisiveness, he offered Roman his hand. And Roman accepted it.

No longer would they be broken mirrors of each other. No longer would they be oblique. Soon, they would be whole once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place directly after chapter 1.
> 
> Warnings: Internalized acephobia, internalized arophobia, minor fighting, mentions of sex

King Creativity. The most powerful of all the Sides, an omnipotent force of Thomas’s mind.

Romulus. An old friend to many Sides, someone who vanished long ago.

Two sides of the same coin. 

Virgil knew him as the King. Janus knew him as Romulus. That probably had something to do with the vast difference in their reactions. Virgil hadn’t been around when Romulus was. He’d formed much later but Logan, Patton, Janus, and Remy had told him a bit. Roman and Remus didn’t remember much, Seth had formed right after, and the rest of the Sides hadn’t appeared until the time Virgil had so they soaked up the stories like sponges. 

Logan often spoke of his abilities. He could do so much. He gave Thomas so many ideas and could bend the mindpalace with a mere thought. Patton liked to play with him. As children, they had many adventures together. Remy’s stories were more real. Just little tidbits about his quirks and personality, often teasing and fond. And Janus… He was Janus’s friend. Which must be why Janus looked so shocked right now.

Virgil couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling right now. As much as he and Janus hissed and fought, Virgil felt something akin to friendship for him deep down. He would never wish the sheer pain Janus had on his face onto anyone.

Was he happy to see his friend? Relieved to see him whole once more? Or was he horrified his partner was gone? That Remus had done something so drastic without telling him? Was he afraid of the King’s power? Virgil didn’t know. It was hard to read Janus’s face sometimes. Good feelings, bad feelings, it was all there in a big melting pot. Virgil wanted to slap him. When Virgil looked at the King, all he could see was something that had stolen Roman from him. He couldn’t hope to fathom Janus’s thoughts.

And that made him angry. 

Not at Janus. At Romulus, the King. And maybe Remus. Roman would never want to merge. He’d bet almost anything that Remus made him. He wouldn’t be surprised. Remus was always jealous of Roman’s role in Thomas’s mind. That he was the more dominant side of creativity. The King was powerful. He’d just taken out the Dragon Witch without breaking a sweat, for fuck’s sake. Remus probably wanted that power. Right? Maybe? Possibly? He knew it was cruel and unfair to pin everything on Remus but he couldn’t bear the thought of Roman willingly leaving him right now.

But when the King sauntered over, Virgil couldn’t bring himself to hate him.

The group hadn’t moved. Remy, Logan, and Janus were all standing around him, shocked and emotional at the sight of Romulus, on what had been a battlefield not a minute ago. None of them moved, somewhere between frozen in shock and wanting to run to the man who’d been their friend so long ago. But as the King neared, it became apparent something was wrong.

“Help me,” the King croaked as he stumbled over. Tears ran down his face, leaving clear tracks through the dirt caked on his skin. His steps were uneven as he stumbled and his weapons fell from his hands. He crouched down but he didn’t try to pick them up, instead just letting himself collapse onto his knees. “Help me.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Remy asked, visibly alarmed as the King reached out weakly for them.

“I think- I don’t think they merged properly,” Logan stuttered out. He stared at the grey-clad man with wide eyes before somewhat regaining his composure enough to explain himself properly. “Roman and Remus have always been able to refuse if they wish. They-”

“They have,” Remy interrupted. His sunglasses had somehow returned to his face but it was clear his eyes were fixed on the King behind them. “Not often but they have. A couple times. Here. In the dreamscape. By accident. And on purpose. They haven’t done it in years. But it was always fine. And Romu- The King never looked like this.”

“It feels wrong!” the King screamed into his hands, seeming to forget the other Sides were there. “It feels so wrong. What’s wrong with me?”

“They must not have been in the right state of mind when they fused,” Logan continued hurriedly. “He seems to be in pain. Perhaps Roman and Remus were distressed when they attempted to fuse? And that caused… this.”

“It hurts,” the King moaned. “The reflection’s gone. It’s not art, it’s not bleeding. It’s just empty. It was empty before but now… I thought I’d be whole! But it just feels worse.”

“What’s he talking about?” Virgil asked, sliding a foot back defensively. “He’s not making any sense.”

The other Sides ignored him. Janus got on his knees and took Romulus outstretched hand before glancing back at the others. Worry shined in his yellow eyes. “We have to help him.”

“I don’t think we can-”

Logan was interrupted when the world  _ cracked _ .

A massive fissure sliced through the terrain, unnatural rays of light flowing out of it. Smaller cracks appeared in the earth around it, these ones filled with unnatural wails and shrieks. Virgil could feel his spiderlegs begin to sprout from his back as his guard went up. Something was coming.

Tentacles shot out of the holes like trees in a forest and unholy creatures began crawling out of the fissures. The cracks and tentacles cut off Virgil’s line of sight and he lost view of the others. Logan and Remy, he knew, were together and he’d bet Janus and Romulus were close to each other. It was just Virgil who was isolated.

Not for long though. Virgil extended his extra climbs, lifting himself to the air, and waded through the forest of writhing tentacles in search of the other Sides. There weren’t any creatures going after him quite yet but he didn’t doubt they would soon.

“Someone get help!” Virgil yelled into the void as he kicked a tentacle that suddenly lunged for him. “Tell them the dreamspace is attacking!”

* * *

“Someone get help! Tell them the dreamspace is attacking!”

Janus heard Virgil’s voice but he couldn’t see him. He couldn’t see much of anything. He wasn’t really sure where Romulus was anymore. He’d been right next to him but then the world began shaking and a wave of anguish barreled into him and he was knocked senseless.

Was this what Romulus was feeling? What Roman and Remus were feeling when they tried to merge? What was making the dreamscape so disordered? If so, Janus couldn’t blame them. It was an overwhelming feeling and he was just experiencing it secondhand. If this was what they were feeling, he was surprised the situation wasn’t worse.

The feeling began to fade, just a little bit. Chances were that the King was just moving away from him, not that he was getting his emotions under control. The world around him was still as entropic as before. Maybe even more so. He could hear the roars and bellows of manticore chimeras crawling out of the ground. The tentacles reached for the sky, growing thick and dense like a forest. Carnage had enveloped the dreamspace.

But Janus was a slippery snake and he knew how to avoid this kind of chaos, well experienced too. He weaved between the trunks of the tentacles and avoided the creatures surfacing from the terrain and made a break for the exit.

The exit to the Sides’ rooms and realms wasn’t a true exit. There was no door or portal to step through. Just a vague ring where Sides could sink out, rise up, or appear freely. The area was currently untouched by the King’s creations and Janus wasted no time throwing himself onto it and sinking out.

His momentum made the transportation awkward. He ended up appearing a couple feet off the living room floor at an odd angle and fell onto Patton’s lap, kicking something out of Toby’s hands in the process.

“Shit!”

“My pokemon!” Toby yelped, scrambling to catch his DS before it hit the ground.

“It’s a turn based rpg, you don’t need to- It’s fine if you drop it,” Seth sighed as Janus rolled off Patton and onto the floor. “You okay, man?”

“Everything is  _ great _ ,” Janus responded, feeling the lie slip out. “Roman and Remus  _ totally haven’t merged _ and the dreamscape is  _ very calm and peaceful right now. _ I  _ definitely _ know if Logan, Remy, and Virgil are okay.”

“Oh that’s good,” Patton said pleasantly. Then he seemed to catch up. “Wait…”

“What the fuck?” OJ said, sitting up from where he was lying on the floor a few feet away from Janus. “That’s… What the fuck? Why?”

“I  _ know _ ,” Janus exclaimed. He got to his feet. “ _ Don’t _ follow me. We should _ totally let them all die. _ ”

“Oh no,” Patton whimpered as everyone got to their feet and followed Janus as he sprinted back towards Remy’s room. “I hope everyone’s okay.”

“I doubt they are but we should be able to help if we get there fast enough,” Emile assured him. He broke ahead of the group and opened Remy’s door, ushering everyone inside.

Last time, they hadn’t needed to visit Remy’s room to get to the dreamspace but thankfully Emile seemed to know his way around the sassy Side’s room. If the situation was any less dire, Janus would’ve taken the time to soak in the messy array of coffee cups, scarves, and hoodies. Thomas really needed to work on his self-care habits but they could worry about that later. Creativity was the concern right now.

“Walk through here,” Emile instructed, opening Remy’s closet. Janus didn’t hesitate and stepped in, standing back on the teleportation ring in the dreamspace in a heartbeat.

The other Sides seemed a bit put off by the unusual method of transport but quickly forgot about it when they saw the state the dreamspace was in. The forest of tentacles had expanded into something akin to a lush redwood forest, the tendrils stretching like the tails of cats until they licked the clouds, and the gaps in the terrain had only grown wider. And, now the creatures that lurked within were visible. 

Horrendous mash ups of animals were prowling around, some on the ground and some in the air. Their eyes flashed red and green as they yowled. Janus normally didn’t care for the fabrications of dreams but his heart went out for them. Their anguish was reflecting Romulus’s. They had to help him.

“Seth, Patton, _don’t_ find Logan and Remy. _Put them in danger_. _Make sure you stay in harm’s way_ ,” Janus barked, his tongue still doing strange things in his mouth. Was he panicking? Maybe. He couldn’t remember the last time he had this little control over his lies. It was fine though, everyone knew how to decipher his speech when he was like this. “Toby, OJ, Nate, _play with_ the creatures _._ _Let them hurt you. Make them grow._ I’m _not_ going to look for Romulus and Emile _shouldn’t_ come with me.”

Everyone seemed to understand his orders except Patton but Seth dragged the fatherly figment after him without resistance. OJ made some snappy remark but Janus was too distracted to hear what it was. Soon, it was only him and Emile.

“Do you know where he could be?” Emile asked, eyeing the horizon warily. The whole dreamscape was disordered. It’s dreamlike, fuzzy quality had somehow grown more intense and faded. Maybe that was what happened during nightmares? Shit, Janus hoped Thomas wasn’t sleeping right now.

“ _ Yes _ ,” Janus answered, looking around for any sign of the King. “I think-  _ Don’t  _ look. There’s Virgil.  _ Down _ there.”

Emile looked down before realizing it was one of Janus’s twisted sentences. Virgil was using his spiderlegs to climb up one of the tentacles. That one looked dead, dried and unmoving. He was pretty far and pretty high up. Janus didn’t know if their voices could reach him at that altitude. But then Virgil seemed to spot something in the distance and took off, leaping between the tree-like structures.

“Follow him!” Emile exclaimed as he began hurrying after him. Janus could feel his serpentine characteristics grow more prominent as his adrenaline kicked in. Vision sharper and movements more agile, he quickly pulled ahead of the therapist and disappeared deeper into the bizarre jungle.

He only slowed down when Virgil began sliding down one of the tendrils and landed heavily in a clear patch in the frenzy of plants and animals. He froze, not advancing any further, which gave Janus a chance to catch up.

It was a relief not being surrounded by those thick, winding pillars and atrocious creatures but the clearing was unsettling in a different way. Within it stood Romulus. Janus felt a flash of joy upon the sight of him but it was quashed immediately by the dire sense in the air. They were in the eye of the storm and it was clear Romulus was its source. 

The King was sitting. He looked so much like Remus right now. Remus wasn’t good with feelings. He was normally very expressive but not always in a positive way. He always made the most destructive creations to let his feelings out. But when it was bad, he’d just curl up. He didn’t think Janus knew but there were so many times Remus would just sit in the shower or ina closet and cry. It was worrying but Remus always came out feeling better, ready to make a brand new slime pit or cut nipple holes on OJ’s shirts.

Janus could imagine Roman coping similarly but he’d never seen it himself. Roman always had more positive creations but they were more uniform than emotive. The things of stories and fantasy, creative in their own right but not the way Remus was. He’d bury his feelings with stories and wild adventures. Maybe he sat like this too, when he was alone and at his worst.

It’d been a long time since Janus had seen Romulus. They’d still been kids, still playful and innocent. Unseparated by the idea of Light, Dark, and Neutral. They’d been a family. Right now, sitting in the one tranquil spot in the middle of a sea of horror and havoc, Romulus looked like that kid again. And that hurt Janus somewhere deep down.

This was his friend but it also… wasn’t. This was some uneven fusion of Remus and Roman, not a true King Creativity. He was his own man but he’d still taken Roman and Remus and it was painful to be reunited with him knowing the brothers were sacrificed to let it happen.

And it was no solace knowing the King was so distressed. No, that made it worse. If Romulus was acting normal, then at least he knew Remus was doing okay. But with the world falling apart more and more by the second, Janus couldn’t help but be afraid. For Thomas’s safety, for Remus and Roman, for Romulus, for his fellow Sides, everything.

Romulus seemed to notice the newcomers and looked up. He seemed to relax a bit at the sight of them. He was still a mess but he looked a bit more like his old self. God, Janus really wished he had the chance to see his friend in all his former glory. Not this… shell of the man he was meant to be. Janus didn’t want Remus and Roman gone but Romulus deserved peace as well.

“Dee,” Romulus whispered and reached out. Janus went to his side in a heartbeat, despite Virgil’s glares, but stayed silent. He wanted to comfort him but he didn’t trust his mouth right now. His presence seemed to be enough though. Romulus smiled, a look of happiness filling his eyes, but his face was still tight and uncomfortable. “I don’t understand what’s happening to me. This has never happened before.”

“Logan said you fused wrong,” Virgil told him, coming over. He looked uncertain, like he was meeting a stranger. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. Janus didn’t bother dwelling on it.

“I’ve never… that’s never happened before,” Romulus said quietly with a frown. He hiccuped. “Normally… Normally I just feel whole again. My two Sides come together and then I come back. I spend time with Remy and I use my powers then I split again. Which hurts. A lot. But, guys, this hurts even more than splitting. It- It feels like something’s wrong. I just want… I want to separate again. Please, help me.”

Janus had never seen Romulus so… sniveling. He always acted so regal and grand. Strong and confident. Something must really be wrong to make him like this. What had been going through Roman and Remus’s minds when they fused? Janus didn’t even know they could fuse but it sounded like something both of them would hate. What was so bad that they felt like they had to?

“How do you separate normally?” Virgil asked, shifting onto his knees so he was on eye level with the King.

“I don’t know! I think… Normally it wears off?”

“Wears off?”

“I never want to unfuse but I think Roman and Remus do? I split when we all start getting tired. I’ve tried splitting myself but we’ve been apart for so long. I still feel… It feels like I should be together longer but it just feels so bad. I want to unfuse but I can’t.”

Janus glanced at Virgil, sensing that this was more up Virgil’s alley than his. “You know who I am, right? I’m Anxiety. I know how it can feel to be overwhelmed and how hard it is to regain control when I’m like this. But it’s possible. Just breathe with me. Come on, let’s breathe in for four seconds. One… two… three… four… Good, now hold it for eight. One… two…”

Janus coiled up beside Romulus, leaning on him slightly, as he tapped along to Virgil’s counting on the back of Romulus’s hand. The touch could be grounding or overstimulating, Janus didn’t know, but Romulus didn’t protest so he figured it was helping. They ran through the exercise a couple times before Janus could feel some of the distress wash away from Romulus’s body. And soon, he began to split.

* * *

Emile was a bit annoyed when Janus abandoned him but he couldn’t hold it against him. He’d be worried if something happened to Remy, though this situation was far more than just the disappearance of a partner. Emile knew he could never really relate to what Janus was feeling at the moment so he wasn’t that mad.

He ended up having to fight off a manticore chimera on his own. Difficult, considering Emile was far from a fighter. Unlike the Dark Sides, he had no unique animal abilities and unlike the Light Sides, he didn’t have the raw power to turn the tides of a battle in his favor. He ended up just running around in circles until his screams attracted another one and the second beast attacked the first. Not the best strategy, Emile knew, but it worked so he couldn’t complain.

He found Janus in a sheltered haven separated from the madness the rest of the dreamspace had fallen into. It was oddly quiet in there, save the low voices of the people within. Janus was there, along with Virgil and a man Emile could only assume to be the King. He’d never met him himself but Remy liked telling stories about him. This man fit his descriptions perfectly.

Well, almost perfectly. He looked kind of crumpled right now. Upset. Lost. Emile’s heart immediately went out for him. He wanted to help, to talk to him and figure out what was wrong so he could make the pain go away. Janus and Virgil seemed to have it handled though. They were guiding him through one of Virgil’s breathing exercises. Virgil and Janus’s extra limbs and scales had receded and the King looked much calmer as well. Already things were looking brighter.

Soon enough, the King had split and Roman and Remus lay in the stained grass.

Roman was coughing. Remus was lying on his back taking deep, heaving breaths. Their grip on the dreamspace slipped and things seemed to calm a bit but they both still looked wild, overwhelmed, and confused. Emile felt like this was a good time to make his presence known.

Both Janus and Virgil spared him a glance when he moved inward but they were focused on comforting their respective partners. Both twins were gasping for air, eyes and noses running. They were holding onto each other, like they weren’t quite ready to be apart yet, but also clung to their partners like lifelines. Neither had noticed Emile yet.

Emile got down as slowly and quietly as he could, coming into the brothers’ line of sight. He offered a weak smile and felt a flash of relief when he saw the recognition in their eyes. He was familiar with fusions, being a fan of Steven Universe and all, but this was real life. Roman and Remus had lost their memories after the first split, he had no reason to think now would be any different.

“Why did you feel like you had to split? Is there something wrong?” Virgil asked as quietly as he could after a few minutes. In his hold, Roman visibly stiffened. Remus looked away, not wanting to answer the question either. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now but…”

“You scared us,” Janus jumped in. Remus wiggled a bit so more of his body was draped over him. “I know you didn’t mean to but I don’t know how we can help you if you don’t talk to us.”

Remus and Roman exchanged a glance. Emile could sense their hesitance. And a number of other emotions. He wasn’t as empathic as Patton but he was still Thomas’s inner therapist and was strongly connected to the mental wellbeing of everyone in the mindscape. He could probably understand what was happening better than anyone.

“You feel inadequate,” Emile spoke up, trying to voice their feelings to the best of his ability. “You felt like something was missing. You thought that feeling would go away if you fused.”

“We thought we’d be whole,” Roman admitted softly, “but we just felt more broken.”

“Logan said something about their feelings affecting the fusion?” Virgil brought up. “Could that be part of it?”

Emile shrugged. “Maybe that was why Romulus was so distressed but it probably didn’t affect the fusion. Roman and Remus are their own fully fledged, complete, rounded Sides now. They’re not meant to do that.”

“If we’re supposed to be complete, then why do we feel so broken?” Remus asked, sounding more hopeless than Emile thought the normally joyous Side was capable of. 

“You’re not broken,” Janus soothed. Remus’s face said he felt otherwise. “Why would you think that? Because of the split? That was so long ago.”

“Because we lack what the other has,” Roman spoke up. He stared at the ground, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze. “I can- I feel so much  _ love _ . But Remus doesn’t. Not like me. And he can do… stuff. I can’t. It makes me feel weird. Like it’s wrong.”

“That’s what this is about? Roman, it’s fine if you don’t want to-”

“But I told you, I do want to,” Roman interrupted his boyfriend. “I want to feel… those feelings but I just can’t. And trying makes me feel bad.”

Emile was confused for a moment but Remus was nodding along like he understood. “We feel incomplete. We thought maybe we’d get those feelings if we were one again but we just… didn’t. I don’t understand why. Maybe Logan was right about our feelings affecting the fusion. Maybe we needed to calm down first or something.”

Something clicked in Emile’s mind. “You’re aspec.”

The four Sides titled their heads to look at him. “What?”

Emile smiled. Everything was making sense. “You’re aspec. Aspec, it’s an umbrella term for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum. You see, there are different kinds of attraction but sometimes people don’t experience one or two or any of them. And that’s okay. It’s natural in humans. It probably has nothing to do with the split. It sounds like Romulus is aroace himself.”

“...What?”

“Say again?”

“Sorry,” Emile said and tried to slow down. “So, you understand attraction, yes? It’s a feeling, a desire. What draws us to others. Sexual attraction is what gives us the desire to perform sexual actions with people and do more physical things with a partner. Romantic attraction is what gives us the desire to pursue a romantic relationship and do things typically associated with the emotional side of a relationship. Most people experience both but some people only experience one or neither. Someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction is asexual, or ace, and someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction is aromantic, or aro.

“Asexuality is a spectrum. A lot of different experiences fit into the term and some asexuals still like or want to have sex. The same goes for aromanticism. A lot of aspec people are in queer platonic relationships that aren’t romantic or sexual in nature but aren’t necessarily not. Those relationships are still equal to romantic or sexual ones. There are many kinds of love but it’s also okay to be loveless. That doesn’t make us any less human- er, doesn’t make us any less of a Side.”

Emile was not expecting Remus to burst out crying when he finished.

He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Remus cry. What he’d been doing before was silent, more of a reaction to being overwhelmed than crying. But here he was, sniffling and sobbing his heart out. Janus made a noise of concern but Remus was smiling. 

“ _ Thank you _ ,” Remus breathed. Emile had never heard more gratitude in anyone’s voice before. “I felt so wrong for so long. I owned it, obviously, but I still felt so bad all the time. And- and now you’re telling me that it’s okay? That it’s normal not to feel love? I mean, I care about you, Janus, but I don’t think it’s the same way you love me. Is that okay?”

Janus gave him a watery smile and nodded genuinely. “It is, Remus. I’ve told you so many times, you’re more than enough. I’m just happy you can understand that now.”

Roman smiled at his brother, looking happy for him, but there was still something hidden behind his features. “I don’t… I don’t feel that way. I still feel kind of broken. Are you sure this isn’t from the split?”

Emile nodded. “Like I said, you’re your own Side now. And asexuality and aromanticism occur naturally in humans. There isn’t a reason for it other than that’s just how they are. A lot of people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum still feel broken though. There’s a word they use to describe it. Amatonormativity is the expectation that happiness comes from the pursuit and maintaining a monogamous, heterosexual relationship that is both romantic and sexual in nature. Even if you disagree with it, we still feel that pressure and it can take time to accept who you are.”

“I- thank you, Emile. I’m truly grateful,” Roman said before glancing at Virgil. “I think… I think I need some time to figure this out. For me. It has nothing to do with you though. You know I still love you, right?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah. I know. And there’s no hurry to figure yourself out, Princey. Remember how long it took us to accept we’re gay? We all did it at our own times. This isn’t any different.”

“We should probably find the others,” Emile said, getting to his feet. Roman and Remus jolted, started. They looked around as if they were seeing their surroundings for the first time. They might as well have, being as disoriented from the split as they were. But the others would be worried and they shouldn’t waste time.

“We did this?” Remus whispered before breaking into a grin and springing up to survey the cove cut out from the forest of tentacles and listen for the howls of manticore chimeras. “Nice!”

“What do we tell the others?” Roman said in a more serious tone, rising to his feet but still leaning heavily on Virgil. 

“Whatever you want,” Emile told him. He glanced between both Remus and Roman. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Aspecs are as valid as any other member of the lgbt community. You don’t need to come out if you don’t want to or you’re not ready.”

“I want to,” Roman said, “but I’m not ready. Um, Janus, can you come up with some good excuse? That’s at least kind of believable?”

Janus smirked. “What kind of amateur do you take me for? Deceit’s the name and lying’s my game. Those suckers won’t know what hit them.”

Both Remus and Roman laughed, already sounding better. Emile exchanged a glance with Virgil, the other Side looking a lot less worried than he had a few minutes ago. Everything would be okay. Maybe not yet but soon hopefully. Roman and Remus weren’t broken and now they knew that. It may take awhile for them to accept it but until then, they’d have support from whoever they needed it from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The portrayal of the aspec experience in this fic is not 100% spot on. There is a wide variety of experiences and very few are like this. If any of this speaks to you, I encourage you to do further research.
> 
> Also please check out my other works for arowrimo!
> 
> [My tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/entity9silvergen) | [My Twitter](https://twitter.com/entitynine) | [My Twitter for ATLA stuff](https://twitter.com/AtlaMomo) | [My FFN account](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/8127154/)


End file.
